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Do men bond with other men primarily because of emotional outbursts?  This question was posed by Superslaviswife in her comment, saying, “…emotional outbursts, emotional investment, serves the purpose of social bonding very well.”

I don’t disagree that emotional investment produces bonding in both men and women.  However, I think that the sexes diverge on whether they bond from emotional outbursts.  Emotional outbursts come from a place of weakness and pain.  A sentry sighting danger will often give an emotional outburst to summon force to fight the danger.  The sentry alone is too weak to combat the threat.  Likewise, a woman threatened by a rapist is afraid and too weak to fight off the threat, so she screams to get help.

Women respond to emotional outbursts of women/effeminate men with emotional investment–especially rapport.  Men don’t work like that.  We respond by fighting the problem that produced the emotional outburst.   It’s the common foe and common threat that produces bonding in men.

Similarly, when men wrestle or fight one another, they may bond from the conflict, as long as the conflict isn’t intentionally deadly.  Fighting produces emotional intensity in men. When the fight is over, the residual emotional intensity from the fight leads to bonding between the former opponents if they spend time together immediately after the fight.

Men can also bond with men from shared toil through adverse circumstances.  Work and hobbies are examples of contexts where men sometimes bond.

Emotional outbursts carry an attribute of weakness and are associated with femininity.