Tags
anger, attraction, authoritative tone, captain kirk, control, dominance, dominant, drama, emotion, energy, felicitous, felicity, feminine, greater beta, humor, hypergamous, hypergamy, lesser alpha, parry, red pill, relationship, riposte, sex, shit test, shiv, shiv test, sjf, solipsism, spock, star trek, submission, submissive
This post is some really good shit about relationships. Some of my best shit. Smells wonderful! What does it smell like? Lilacs? Hell no–fuck lilacs! It smells like bacon. The mouth waters.
Ok, let’s get into it.
Men often hate and fear shit tests. Rollo Tomassi mentions this in his post Attitude Sells:
There’s a tendency I think for Red Pill aware men to view women’s Hypergamous / Solipsistic natures as hinderances to men effecting their own interests with them. Shit tests, filtering, sexual prospect comparison and a whole host of other conscious and subconscious vetting inherent to women seems like an insufferable waste of effort for men.
Following a comment thread based on this thinking, commenter SJF states:
Become a student of shit testing. Study up and get good at identifying and parrying the shit tests. She is shit testing you because you are not good enough.
Heartiste recently ran an article about greater betas and lesser alphas getting hit with the most shit tests. Just because you get hit with shit tests doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough. It can actually demonstrate high value. This is true for attraction shit tests.
I distinguish between attraction shit tests and relationship shit tests. Attraction shit tests are about whether a broad wants to have sex, while relationship shit tests are about whether a broad wants to break up with you or maybe wants to have sex with you will submit to you.
Mrs. Gamer will hit me with three or four shit tests in a row and I’ll recognize them before she has even finished spouting the first and I’ll simply cut her off saying, “Quit it!” with an authoritative tone, then the 2nd follows (“Stop it!”), etc. I’ll hardly even be aware that she’s doing it as I’m doing a task. After the brief testing, Mrs. Gamer will again be submissive and felicitous.
Commenter SJF also says, “Always, always react unemotionally to shit test, however you can.”
That is one option and certainly better than being emotionally uncontrolled. It has the advantage of requiring little effort. Anger is fine as long as you realize what is going on so that you will control your anger. Sometimes you want to deflect the shit test with humor. Sometimes you want to riposte with a shiv test.
Women love emotions and men who express their emotions. Expressing emotions gives the man depth. In Star Trek, Spock didn’t express his emotions often; a lot of men interpret Spock’s actions as very masculine. However, Captain Kirk was also very masculine, yet he expressed his emotions often. Women need emotional energy, including some drama, so it might be best sometimes to express anger in a controlled way.
Why would you want to riposte with a shiv test? Because it gives you the opportunity to demonstrate dominance. That makes it easier for your woman to submit to you. Submission in a woman is sublime. And feminine.
- shiv test: testing whether a woman will submit; an example is where a man teases a woman about some mistake that she has made or something that she can and ought to correct about herself
The Autistic Gamer 
Pls give an example of a shit test
A shit test is typically a complaint about some trivial issue. Or demeaning the man while nagging. The woman invests some emotional energy in the complaint. Picking at a wound. Needling.
An attraction shit test might be: “You’re old.” (While she is smiling and staying focused on the man.)
Another attraction shit test is “I have a boyfriend” while continuing to give indications of sexual interest in a man.
Ok. If you’ve got a moment, could you give me a specific example? What would qualify as trivial?
“Why didn’t you take out the trash? You always forget to do that.” (spoken in an emotionally-laden tone)
Forgetting to take out the trash doesn’t warrant so much emphasis.
Thanks, that helps. From my perspective, I can see several problems with a “shit test” approach to communication.
First, it’s accusatory. There may be a perfectly legitimate reason why the trash didn’t go out. Maybe you were gonna do it later. Whatever.
Oops…hit send too soon…
Second, it’s misleading. Cuz it’s not really about the trash. There’s something else going on.
Third, it’s a shaming approach and not likely to get the result she’s looking for. (Unless she’s looking for a shitfest.)
It’s not an effective approach to communication for either spouse to use.
Women’s brains are complex. A shit test is where the hindbrain is engaged. What the woman often says is really just a rationalization for the hindbrain doing stuff. The hindbrain is in control and the forebrain is its slave.
Indeed we are complex 😀
We women are supposedly more in touch with our feelings than men are. Certainly, our feelings tend to surface more quickly, but often what we’re feeling on the surface isn’t what is bothering us inside.
Take the example of the trash. On the surface, she is feeling frustrated that the trash didn’t go out. But the reaction is far out of proportion to the actual “offense”. Something else is going on. Maybe she’s feeling let down that you didn’t keep your word to her. Maybe there are deeper trust issues. Understand, this is nothing but speculation to a hypothetical situation, but the premise holds.
How you choose to deal with a shit test is entirely up to you, of course, but I’m not exactly sure how using a shit test to enforce submission is going to move the relationship forward. What is it that you hope to accomplish?
A woman shit tests whether she wants to submit. A man doesn’t enforce submission. He needs to pass the shit test in order for the woman’s hindbrain to want to submit. Of course, a woman can always choose to submit using her forebrain, but then she will be conflicted. Better if the man passes the shit tests (which I believe are involuntary) and the woman chooses to submit.
Yeah, sorry, I’m not following you at all…what constitutes passing a shit test?
Also, the thing about the hindbrain/forebrain is incorrect. If I remember my anatomy right, the hindbrain controls automatic functions (blood flow, breathing etc.) – basically think of being unconscious…your hindbrain is responsible for keeping your heart pumping and your lungs breathing. Submission is not an involuntary, automatic function, it is learned behaviour arising from the involving limbic system of the forebrain, specifically the amygdala and hippocampus.
Also I think we have different definitions of what submission looks like. Can you please explain what submission looks like to you?
I am a pain in the ass, I know, but you are a pretty good sport. Thanks for your time and effort answering my endless questions ☺
Ok, what I was calling hindbrain/forebrain is properly called amygdala/cortex. Thanks.
Submission can be active or passive. Active submission is what we see in the military and in the workplace. An order is given and the subordinate actively seeks to carry it out with some enthusiasm. This kind of submission is done by a female in a well-ordered male-female relationship. For example, a man tells a woman what he wants for dinner and she prepares it.
Passive submission is what we see in slaves. An order is given and its execution must be actively managed.
Yes, sweetie, you are a delightful pain in the ass. (Spank harder.) Just finished enjoying Fun & Games ™ with Mrs. Gamer. (Parcheesi. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) I’m getting buzzed on Port wine and enjoying writing my comment.
Why do you partake of weed?
Why do I smoke weed? Straight up, cuz I like the high 😀
A man will pass the shit test by not entering into the woman’s frame. He might simply ignore the test. The man might humorously agree and amplify the shit test. What he must not do is argue logically or apologize because then he is in the woman’s frame. That constitutes failing the shit test.
Obviously, sometimes a man must apologize and those are not shit tests.
Frame?
Frame is someone’s perspective and assumptions. Setting the tone of debate is a frame. A romantic date is a frame for sex.
“Women love emotions and men who express their emotions. Expressing emotions gives the man depth. In Star Trek, Spock didn’t express his emotions often; a lot of men interpret Spock’s actions as very masculine. However, Captain Kirk was also very masculine, yet he expressed his emotions often. Women need emotional energy, including some drama, so it might be best sometimes to express anger in a controlled way.”
I think this is very true, Gamer. It’s interesting that I agree with both your comment and SJF’s comment about reacting unemotionally. I guess it would depend on the context (and what you say about humor, and all that, is also true).
Mike is a pretty passionate guy. When he’s angry (which is very very rare), it’s seriously impressive. But usually he “deflects” with humor. That’s more standard. I’ve never seen him angry at a woman (other than moi of course, but that is uber rare…and I’M ALWAYS RIGHT!! Just kidding). 🙂
Side note, funny response re: my use of the word queue, in another forum,
Gamer. 😉
I have no beef with ewe.
(always wanted to use that one)
Here’s liz, right on cue…answering here because she was too chicken to reply in the other forum…what a turkey! Happy Thanksgiving.
Reminds me…I changed an English friend’s computer Id at work so that when he signed on he was greeted with, “Hello, ewe anchor.” He said that he almost pissed himself reading it and spilled his coffee.
Hee hee. Happy thanksgiving, Gamer. 🙂
A man who is easily angered will appear boyish, so it’s not necessarily a tingle-killer to get angry, if the woman also likes men who are immature. I think that all women like a man who controls his passions, yet expresses them within his frame.