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Social Circle Game can produce tremendous opportunities and create social risks for men. This post is about creating opportunities and managing the risks. I’ll use one of my experiences to illustrate this.
I belong to a group where the expectation is that men won’t be a pain hitting on women (and vice-versa to some degree). The group’s leaders don’t want the group to become a meat market. I’m down with that. When couples in the group form relationships, they do it behind the scenes. The group’s leaders are not Ok with casual sex. Very Blue Pill. They endorse the female Beta Bucks relationship mating strategy and wink at the female Alpha Fakks mating strategy. A man has to be a little careful how he interacts with women in this group. Can’t come on too strong, like in any social circle. Of course, if a woman indicates interest, that opens the door to an approach.
I don’t go to a lot of this group’s functions. My presence is rare. Most of the group is lower SMV* (4-6). People in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, primarily. The men have little game. Mrs. Gamer estimates my SMV at 7-8. So when I show up, women’s attention accrues to me and they want my attention. It’s a subtle thing–they don’t all automatically form a mob around me, but they arrange to be near me and chat me up. So, the buying temperature of women in the group goes up when I’m around. At least this is my theory since I can’t see women’s emotional levels when I’m not around. My presence in the group is rare and ostensibly valuable.
In a previous post, I questioned why women in the group attempted to cockblock another woman (I’ll call her ‘Z’). The group was drinking wine at a vineyard for a period of over three hours, so we had all drunk a fair amount of wine and were half drunk. The women moved Z from one seat to another to move her away from me. I was half drunk and didn’t perceive an abnormal amount of interest from this woman–she wasn’t super-high energy, like she would be if she were giggling and laughing. She just showed me pictures of her kids and dog and husband. Maybe it was because the other women saw her with me looking at her phone through their wine goggles. The other women might have thought that we were exchanging contact info. We’re both married to other people, so the other women might have thought that they perceived the group’s morality rules being crossed. And I hadn’t been paying two of them a lot of attention, so maybe there was some envy; they were the ones who moved Z.
After I saw the attempted cockblock, I moved quickly to Z’s seat reflexively in response to a perceived challenge. Everyone’s eyes were on what was happening and I was half-drunk. Just by moving the woman, the other women had raised the emotional energy in the group. (I’ll call one of these women ‘Y’.) I opened my cell phone’s new contacts, laid the phone in front of Z. It was a ballsy move and put Z on the spot. Z is a strong, independent woman and a high powered. In the group convo, Z had been verbally challenging the traditional conservative rules limiting the sexuality of women. My move raised the emotional energy level of the group through the roof. It also spiked Z’s emotional energy level. A real roller coaster ride for her. Fear from being put on the spot in front of the whole group. And fear that if she didn’t give me her contact info she would miss out on a hot man. My move challenged the group’s morality rules, showing dominance. It also showed dominance over Z. I didn’t even say anything–I just set the phone down with the New Contact screen open, then began walking away. Z messed up entering the contact info and pleaded for my help to fix it. I fixed it, then walked away as Z finished entering text. Z showed submissiveness, covering me for my ballsy display. When I returned, my cell was on the table with Z’s info in it. There had been a move to abandon me. A snub. People in the group were walking Z to her car and watching out for her.
The following day I texted the group’s leaders with “WTF was I thinking? lol” Damage control. Being half-drunk gave me plausible deniability. Z had shown no indication of being annoyed by unwanted advances. The group’s rules had been violated and they had tried to enforce those rules. I won’t be around the group for a while and that will give the group time to process things and let the group’s annoyance with rule-breaking dissipate. Meanwhile, people in the group are likely talking about what happened, which can only enhance my standing in the group among the women. There will be ripples of fallout, some positive and some negative, as a result of the nuclear act of laying the cell phone down.
Been thinking some more about what went down. I think that I objected to the musical chairs power play by Y and that’s why I pulled the nuclear contact info stunt. My stunt wasn’t propagated by a desire to hook up with Z. I think that Y has some issues, maybe control issues. Not sure how to deal with Y’s control issues. I still need to do damage control.
When faced with an accusation, use humor or frame to defuse it.
1. Twas me evil twin, not me. [the accusation is absurdly humorous]
2. Meh, that’s nothing. I’ve been caught doing much worse. [Agree and Amplify]
3. You’re just envious because I didn’t do it with you. [Engaging humor & flips frame]
4. That accusation doesn’t merit a reply. [Iron Frame]
5. Ok, sooo… [Agree and Amplify; minimizes the accusation]
6. [snickers quietly] [Agree and Amplify; cuteness defense]
*SMV Sexual Market Value–the ostensible sexual attractiveness of a person