If truth is most important to you, then you will tell the truth to your partner…no matter how much it hurts.
My ethic is to do good to my partner, which may mean not disclosing the truth. During the first ten years of my marriage, I was still emotionally bonded to my ex-girlfriend from college. However, I cut off all contact with her, barring one time when I needed her help because of a break-in to my car. That emotional bonding didn’t affect my relationship with my wife. I avoided listening to a few musical artists that I associated with my ex-gf and never told my wife about the bonding since it had no impact on her and telling her about it would have caused her unnecessary pain.
As regards my ex-gf, I had poignant moments thinking about her during the years of my marriage. Those moments diminished in intensity and frequency as time passed. They never interfered with our intimate times. Stephen Stills advice, “Love the one you’re with,” is something I’ve followed throughout my life.
When is it mandatory to tell the truth? Let’s suppose that I contracted an STD. In that case, it would have been necessary to tell my wife about the STD and how I got it. I would have admitted the minimum info. No reason to tell her more than I needed to for her to take action.
Let’s consider a mistake that I recently made. I told Mrs. Gamer that I was going to a different venue than I had been going to previously. She asked why the change. I should have said something politically-correct, but instead I told her the real reason–that I needed distance from someone. Mrs. Gamer wanted to know why. I told her that I had dance-bonded to another woman. Mrs. Gamer accused me of cheating. In her mind I had had an emotional affair. I had no intention of doing so and there was no chatting about Mrs. Gamer with the “other woman”. Very little chatting with OW. Mostly just a lot of dancing. Lots of drama followed. Lots of emotional pain for Mrs. Gamer. Better to not have told the truth in this case.
If someone had claimed child support, I’d have had to tell Mrs. Gamer. If I were planning on leaving Mrs. Gamer (no such plans–just a hypothetical), I’d tell her after I’d protected some assets.
What do my readers think?