approach, autism, autistic, behavior, chatting, clubs, comfort, confidence, erection, expectations, facial expression, frame, graze, holding hands, hug, inhibitions, isolate, isolation, kino, mating dance, obsession, sex, sexual, talk, work-around
I was working on a dance move with a woman friend where we were isolated. I know that she is strongly attracted to me because I read it in her facial expressions and behavior. (Once when she saw me and barely knew each other, she got wide-eyed, then turned her head and smiled, then looked back at me.) I know that she wants to know if I am attracted to her. She settles her rear in my front when we do the move, wanting to feel something solid. However, I am obsessed about dancing at the time and my mind isn’t on the same track.
She ends up disappointed and is snarky as a result, but talking directly about it isn’t really an option. Autistic men generally don’t get erections simply by viewing or being near attractive women because we have great inhibitions. So, we have to figure out some work-around for our different sexual mechanisms.
Another problem–kino. Men are expected to initiate it, but autistic men often have touch shyness and need a lot of comfort before kino becomes an option. Again, we have to figure out work-arounds and somehow avoid missing expectations. Autistic men are simply expected to perform–even with great inhibitions. It’s a tough road.
I think that it’s even harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women to deal with the mating dance. The good news for autistic men is that we can still develop confidence and a strong, classy frame. I have no trouble approaching and attracting women–my problem is what happens next.
If a woman gives me lots of hugs, that generates comfort and my inhibitions fade to a manageable level. Or if I walk with a woman holding hands and chatting, I get enough comfort. But just grabbing @$$ doesn’t work for me. And when women graze me with their b00bs, it’s annoying. In clubs, women want this kind of quick sexualization, but I have a lot of touch shyness which has to be managed by building comfort.
By contrast, if some random woman smacks me on my @$$ like happened last night when a friend played a joke, this is no problem–it’s just fun and I don’t perceive it as sexual.