Is the Friend Zone a permanent prison? The well-respected Rollo Tomassi over at The Rational Male in a post entitled Purgatory implies that the Friend Zone is inescapable. The experience of many men confirms that they can’t get out of the Friend Zone. They try to get out and fail miserably. It’s very painful and they are miserable. Friend Zoning is part of being beta and unattractive.
Married men are often Friend Zoned by their wives. I was. However, now my wife is hot for me. What changed? Somehow, I escaped the Friend Zone. Let’s take a look at how that happened.
I was put in the Friend Zone by my wife. My wife had told me that she no longer could have sex for physical reasons. (It was a total lie. Later she confessed that she stopped being attracted to me. I was unemployed and not bringing in an income. I was obese, too.) I went into a depression and gained more weight.
I realized that I was depressed. A few months later, I decided to do something about it. I decided to lose weight and take up dancing. Both became obsessions. My wife even supported my plan. Shortly after I started dancing, I found the manosphere through Dalrock. I started reading a lot of manosphere posts. I remembered my days as a PUA. I remembered my Fling. I remembered why women found me attractive.
While I was out dancing, even while obese, women were giving me IOI’s. It turns out that I had started living in my old PUA Frame again. I wasn’t actively pursuing women–they were trying to get my attention. My Frame was simply being a standup guy–take no nonsense and don’t argue. Be aloof and laconic. Joke very little and only smile occasionally. When I joked or smiled, it was catnip to women, because it was so rare.
Back to my wife. I was talking with her about my experiences with women. She wasn’t concerned, even though I was out for hours dancing on Friday and Sat. nights. So I eventually told her that I was getting a girlfriend. All of a sudden, she was throwing insecurity tests at me right and left. I just ignored them. I instigated for sex and she was hungry for it. I had escaped the Friend Zone.
But isn’t escaping the Friend Zone supposed to be impossible? Rollo Tomassi and others affirm that proposition. So, we have a dilemma. Empirical evidence contradicts other empirical evidence. Is there perhaps something different about my experience than that of other men?
When I told my wife that I was getting a girlfriend, she said that I wasn’t the man that she married. What? I’m the same man. That hasn’t changed.
Look at it from the woman’s perspective. She’s saying that she doesn’t recognize the man. He is The Stranger. The original husband was known; he had a sexual identity in the woman’s eyes and a low sexual value. This sexual identity was given a Friend Zone attribute by the woman’s hamster because of his low sexual value. This new Stranger doesn’t have a sexual identity. The woman will now evaluate him sexually as though she were just meeting him for the first time and assign him a sexual value; the old sexual identity is gone forever.
So, this is how we husbands escape the Friend Zone–we become The Stranger. We break rapport with our wives and use Pre-Selection by other women to give us a higher Sexual Market Value. Our wives then see us with a new sexual identity and a higher SMV and we arouse them. We escape the Friend Zone. The attachment of a man’s sexual value to his sexual identity is explained in my post, Sexual Macrodynamics: “At some point, the man will instigate for sex. The woman will identify the man and the man will identify the woman. The woman will assign a sexual value to the man corresponding to his sexual identity.”