Tags

, , , , , , ,

I experienced pair bonding first after a five-day summer fling with my first lover during my freshman year in college.  (Lover was a couple of years older and engaged.)  The fling was scheduled to end after five days and so it did.  However, I had no idea about pair bonding or the emotional pain that was to follow the breakup.  My lover was very considerate and made herself scarce for a few months until I got over it.

Contrast this with my second lover, who was my gf and whom I never bedded.  She broke up with me because she was angry for a couple of reasons, only one of which was justified.  My ex was still very much into me.  We both went to the same college and she knew my schedule.  She made sure that I saw her several times a day.  Each time I saw her I experienced such severe emotional pain that I screamed inside and turned away from her.  I tried to avoid her, but she managed to find me.  Eventually she moved off campus and I got over her.

Lately, I have taken up ballroom dancing and have been taking private lessons with a woman instructor.  I had private lessons several times a week and took group lessons from my instructor a couple of nights a week as well.  There was a practice dance on one of the nights and a dance party on another and my instructor danced with me a few dances both times.  She even called one of the songs we danced to “our song.”   I didn’t find her sexually attractive, but I did experience pair bonding with her anyway.  I was able to recognize the fact that I was having a problem because I was looking forward too much to dance lessons and was able to fight off some of the pair bonding.  However, I wasn’t entirely successful, so I had to tell my dance instructor that I needed some time away from her to clear my head.  So, pair bonding can occur even if sex and romance aren’t involved.  Beware pair-bonding into the friend zone!