Hi. My name is Hans O. Lowe. I am a self-labeled, undiagnosed autistic man. I’m in the process of getting professionally evaluated. I’ve read up on autism, especially Aspberger’s Syndrome, and have concluded that I’m an Aspie, primarily because of my inability to discern conversational breaks, my developmental history including my kinetic disorders, and my family’s view that I was weird. My kinetic disorders showed up when I didn’t learn how to run properly until I was seven. Before that I just shuffled my feet; one of my playmates showed me the right way to run and that helped my social status a little. Later on, I was one of the worst at gymnastics and tumbling in gym class, even though I wasn’t in a growth spurt. I generally did poorly at sports growing up.
I’m highly obsessive as well and have a little OCD stuff going on, like not wanting to step on cracks and avoiding stepping on imaginary lines that would begin at wall and building corners. My family doesn’t know about some of this stuff.
My mother said that my ability to concentrate was phenomenal. She had to stand between me and the television in order to get my attention. I was highly obsessive about playing board games as well.
I remember often feeling alienated from my peers and being laughed at in class. I was considered smart and socially awkward. When girls teased me in sixth grade, perhaps they did it because they were attracted to me; I’d never have guessed that. I just felt awkward about it. My friends were social misfits like me for most of my early schooling. My lack of athletic ability also contributed heavily to my feelings of social alienation.
I remember this same awkward feeling continuing until I became a senior in high school. I joined a varsity athletic team and had some friends who weren’t social misfits with whom I hung out a lot. We went riding in a car a lot along a popular drag. Some of us had girlfriends and we’d go toilet paper (TP) their houses and yards. Sometimes we stole political yard signs from a bunch of houses and posted them in the yard of some girl that one of us liked. I learned a lot about people while riding around with my friends and became more accepted in school–even liked because people assumed that I was a nice guy who was just quiet. I found that sometimes people laughed at my jokes. I had some good times in high school. I had no girlfriends and very few dates. Girls I asked often accepted my invitations to go out, but I was very shy around girls I liked and afraid of rejection. I also tended to obsess about one girl at a time.
Anyway, this blog is about how I see social things–I am currently obsessed about game, which is mostly about how to behave well and perhaps gain advantages in relationships with other people. Game can be used for good or ill and is not inherently good or ill. Game can be used to set up win-win outcomes. Aspies usually have trouble navigating relationships with the opposite sex and I certainly had my share of problems in that regard. I’ll discuss some of that in future posts.
If you want to understand what game is, start by reading everything at http://therationalmale.com/ .
I’ll talk about autism and my early relations with girls next.